Words by Lady G: Lady Godiva Speaks "Do Not Go Looking For Her"
by Aquarius Dawn Nancy
Wow, is all I can say with my "Take Away" to follow.
Yes, I can relate to the spoken words of Lady Godiva who goes by Lady G interchangeably. Lol, I rhymed! I can say the "Bubbly Naive" me is gone. "She", who is "Me" in relation to this poem and after all my experiences from the age of sixteen leaving home and just surviving with or without help has been a lesson well learned. The "She" that arose and now resides in the vessel named, Nancy Francois but spiritually known as Aquarius Dawn Nancy is different.
The years of being sexually abused and neglected scared the young "Me".
The years of physical abuse scared the young "Old Me".
The years my Schizophrenic mother used to play sadistic, emotional games, physically abused scared "Old Me".
The years on the streets relying on my mother's help to pay rent in my teens after leaving home my junior year scared "Old Me".
The years of failed attempts to rise from the title of "Black Sheep" scared "Old Me". So much scared "Old Me" while I kept a smile on my face.
Then I had children and failed relationships that my spiritual journey I have been on since nine years old finally did its bidding. Back then I kept asking the universe for deliverance. See, my experience of the worst were at the hands of those who professed faith in one they act nothing like. Please, spare the attempts of saving! Some are sent as an example for others as the one my family used to say they were like. God shows his love through us all and some just have the attention of those they are meant to be there for.
As many who were signs of love were in my life. With those pure shows of love I got over the scars the "Old Me" use to tend to. They built up my purpose. The scars healed, healed with Keloids. Keloids that only remind but do not hurt anymore. Yet, what was left was a girl now a woman who shows a smile with "Teeth". Not the welcoming pearly white smile kind, but the kind that shows my canines ready to bite anyone who dares threaten my peace of mind. Learning that it is okay to show "New Me" to a world that once beat "Old Me" senseless while "She" kept showing love. One cannot keep being around those who vampire off their love. Take the quotes sharing how to not let the World harden one and shove it! I can smile and I can show when around negative energy my disgust with a stern straight face that softens once surrounded by a positive environment again.
So I choose to only stick around winning environments. As many tell one to overcome, they must be real. Real about the truth that another is effected by their environment differently. I can say I get physically ill and irritated by negative environments and have medical proof of its effects on my health. So my need to be around positive surroundings goes deeper than just lip service. One reason I love the ocean and going to it when barely anyone on the beach. One place I smile inside and out.
Til I met my son’s father I never experienced a positive environment. I had migraines all my life growing up. Dealt with high blood pressure when still young. Found to have cancer cells young and learned very young how fragile the body is to high stress environments. So for one to tell me to just “Bwe dlo santi la(Drink the dirty water)” would have led to my death. I am fortunate now to have a partner who makes me smile and showers me with love.
So this post by @wordsbyladyg speaks volumes to me because the “She” I now am does not breathe death(saying negative comments) to my kids as my parents did that produced anxt and anxiety in young "Old Me". I do not stay around those who evoke negative sensations or emotions in me. I learn to stay away and use techniques to get them “Out of sight, Out of Mind” quick. One reason you will find me with headphones on listening to music. A true Aquarius, we love music like no other, it is the air we breathe and at times how we cope. Being natural humanitarians wanting better for many, we like to keep sound by sounds that make us feel what is going on through music. One of our ways to express ourselves is through music.
I was able to learn to quiet my mind while with my son's father and this ability has been integral with “She” I am today. So no matter whom(Nice Me or Stern Face Me) you meet based on how you treat me, I will give you what you feed off. I will spit the negative back at you and block the hell out of you in my life. No time for that. My smile is coming back but with canines ready to bite where once a naïve, Koolaid smile use to be.
Keep the malice over there please!